Note: This blog is dedicated to my closest friends who've been mentoring me for years and also to my loving parents who tried their best to provide me love as they could.
Hearing Parents: How to have a good relationship with your deaf child
Neil R., blogger
Why is it so important to have such a good relationship with a child who cannot hear?
I'm aware that having a deaf child to take care and raise may seem like a challenge, but you do not need to trap yourself with worries of how you will be able to raise a deaf child.
You are to treat a deaf child normally with your all love as you would treat the others. Having a good relationship with deaf child is important because you are to ensure that he/she will grow up and become a bright, smart and happy adults who would make a few greater accomplishments in their lives and that they would see themselves past their own disability but identify themselves as Deaf as in a big capitalized "D". Maybe they will make a big difference in the world, who knows?
Deaf Identity
Take Andrew Foster (1925-1987), for instance, who was the first to be a black Deaf student to earn a bachelor's degree in Gallaudet University. After graduating from a fewer colleges, he became a missionary to the Deaf in Africa. Back in the time, many deaf people there were completely illiterate because they did not have schools that can teach them due to their deafness. To help the cause, he found 31 schools and 2 centers for the Deaf in Africa. For 30 years, he worked harder to get support from the United States for these schools. Wow, talking about making a big difference!
Never mind any negativity about such things that may be heard about Deaf culture because there are certain people who may disagree with the views on the culture. Having a "D"eaf identity helps give a deaf person motivation and courage to be able to do anything without feeling discouraged, worrying about communication barrier.
"I cannot hear! I cannot do anything!" is transformed into positive words: "I may be deaf but I can do anything except hear!" When a deaf person becomes culturally proud of his/her culture, they are automatically rewarding themselves with big capitalized "D", Deaf identity.
Good Parent-Deaf Child Relationship Benefits
The benefits of having a good relationship with a deaf child are a Deaf child growing up to be incredibly intelligent adult (who may have a good chance to enroll in ivy league colleges) and he/she becomes to be completely independent without needing too much assistance. Deaf children having good relationship with their parents will have good chance of doing greater in academics.
Parents will not do the job alone but teachers will also have an important role in teaching them to be smarter. They should be able to work together.
It is critical that they are NOT seen as people who need to be pitied or anything and they are not to be people who are "given a fish for today" but people who are "taught to fish so they can be fed for a lifetime" which gives hearing parents a reason why they should have a close relationship with deaf children (them becoming teenagers may eventually drive them nuts..haha.)
Steps of raising a Deaf child well
- Learn sign language, take sign language courses, interact a little with a fewer Deaf people who may give you best tips and advices. Deaf people knowing sign language helps them become strongly literate and may become multilingual if they desire.
- Talk to parent of deaf child who have experiences of raising a deaf child, they may offer best tips and advices
- Take best interest in your deaf child's hobby and activity to expand their knowledge and abilities, encourage them to participate in academic or athletic activities or whatever school may offer. It doesn't matter if a child attends a deaf school or a mainstream school..as long as he/she will become more competent in academics.
-Be their role model ...or mentor. Deaf children may need both a hearing mentor and a deaf mentor in their lives, so that they shall learn to interact well with hearing people and deaf people.
Mark Drolsbaugh's website offers great resources for parents with deaf children (and great articles to read). Check it out. Deaf-culture-online.com
Writer's Note
I took a time to write this because I wanted deaf children to succeed better and also to have better childhood and better relationships in the future. I've had many hardships in my life while growing and did not want them to go through the same hardships I endured,
although they will still encounter difficulties in their lives, that's totally for sure.
My parents did not learn sign language after my birth and our relationship was so-so. Due to communication barrier, I felt not very intimate with my parents, as a result they left me wanting to be with deaf friends more and be with family a lot less.
Over years, our relationship eventually changed and improved (a lot better...) as my parents learned to communicate with me more, although they could not be fully fluent in sign language. They did provide me with lots of love and care, even if they knew a little sign language.
My best communication method for us was writing paper. Being English literate was difficult for me at first. As a younger child, my English skills improved as I interacted more with hearing kids in a mainstream school.
Having good friends in my age range helped a lot. When I did not have good relationship with my parents, I could not learn independence, that is, until my close friends (who are also Deaf-Hard and Hard of Hearing) were generous enough to teach me a little of independence and learned to have my own leadership qualities from them. I'm most pleased with their patience with me as we aged.
I believe that if hearing parents will have good, intimate relationship with deaf children, then deaf children would have learned to have good, steady relationship / friendship with people in the future which is a great importance of raising them very well...
I am still grateful to have my good parents who continue to love me, as a part of their family. Despite the communication barriers in the past, they still taught me the moral principles and values of Filipino culture which I still apply to some today.
It is also my dream that hearing parents of Deaf children who succeed very well in raising them, may write a book, establish workshops, etc, so that deaf education will be a lot better for the sake of Deaf generation and children.
I thank you, my parents and companions.
-Neil
Book Recommendations:
-Deaf Again
-Alone in the Mainstream
-Literacy and Your Deaf Child: What Every Parent Should Know
-Deaf Heritage
Deaf Culture
Deaf Culture
What is Deaf culture? Before I make an introduction for Deaf culture, we have to know the definition of culture in general and what things that makes it a culture. A culture is made up of patterns, products, behaviors, and beliefs coming from social, ethnic, and age group.
There are many things that Deaf culture has that make it a part of culture. I've done a lot of research on this culture, read a few books about deafness and studied Deaf culture. There are many things to learn about deaf culture. Deaf culture has sign language, art in deafness theme, creative writings, theatre, and social life that part with deafness.
To begin with sign language, sign language is what originally establishes its own culture. It is the aspect of deaf culture closely identified with deafness. There's a variety of different sign languages, not just one. Each country has its own sign language. For example, there is American Sign Language, German Sign Language, Spanish Sign Language, and Korean Sign Language.
There are many artists who are deaf, produce their art related to deafness. For instance, deaf artists create their own art in sign language theme but in a friendly way. Deaf artists could make a sign "I love you" out of clay molds, paint something that describe deaf culture, or make American Sign Language themed illustrations. Some artwork that deaf artists have done can be found on display at National Technical Institute for the Deaf's Dyer arts center in
Deaf culture has its own theatre. Deaf people produce their movies, with the use of sign language. There are actually many Deaf actors and Deaf actresses that are well-known, especially comedians that take a part in stage performances, and films. Famous Deaf people are Marlee Matlin, CJ Jones, and Keith Wann. Yet there are more famous deaf people to know.
Several deaf people already have written and established their books and poems based on their experiences as being deaf and sign language theme and deafness. Some of their books already have become required in Deaf studies classes. Deaf people write books and poems to express how they feel about hearing loss or describe deafness. Marlee Maltin is also a book author for her book, Deaf Child Crossing. Mark Drolsbaugh is another good book author for his book, Deaf Again.
There are many different forms of socialization in the deaf community. For example, in the deaf community, Deaf people always have the meetings to come to at some place such as restaurant, and Starbuck or any place that is best considered for to meet and chat. These meetings actually have a variety of names for themselves like ASL dinner, and Silent Supper.
To summarize, Deaf culture has many things that show that Deafness has its own culture. Deaf artists produce their art in sign language theme like making an "I love you" clay mold. In Deaf theatre there are actors and actresses that take a part in stages and performances. Deaf people write and publish books and poems based on their experiences as being deaf. Deaf community has a variety of different socializations such as ASL dinner and Silent Supper. Because of what I have learned, I see deafness as a culture instead of disability.
A Man's Perspective on Deafness
A Visual Language?
Did you know that Signed English is not actually a sign language? I would not call it a sign language, because English language comes in three different forms which are speaking, writing, and signing. First off, you speak English when you speak words in stranded English. You write English when you write words in English grammar. You sign English when you sign every single word in a sentence.
In my opinion, I think Signed English (or Sign Exact English) is not a strongly effective communication. The reason for that is while signing, you don't have a time to throw facial expressions to go with signing together. If you ever attempt to put it with that together, it would appear that your conversation is a little tedious, too long, and a little confusing. A listener would probably lose interest in having a conversation with you and move on with another person who is more understandable and has a language that is simpler than Signed English.
If you think Signed English is a sign language then you are completely wrong. Just remember, English comes in many different forms such as speaking, writing, and signing language. But signing in English doesn't make you a bad person. Anyone who signs in English may have a good reason why he or she does that. Perhaps that person is only teaching oneself English.
Signing a different signing language rather than Signed English doesn't make you a less person, like take American Sign Language for a good example. There, you can get the idea.
Note: When I was in a mainstreamed school for fourth grade through eighth grade only, I was brainwashed to use Signed English. No one forced me to use it. I had to do it to communicate better with people who are not deaf or do not sign. While learning English, I was almost starting to forget American Sign Language. After finishing middle school, I took American Sign Language classes in high school to learn ASL again. American Sign Language was my native language because it was introduced and taught to me in elementary school where I went to with a large group of deaf children.
American Sign Language V.S. Deaf Culture
If you believe that you are rejecting Deaf culture because you do not sign in American Sign Language, then you are terribly wrong. If American Sign Language is (the) language of Deaf culture then every Deaf people from all over the world could have communicated in ASL. Open your eyes! (or better yet, be open-minded if you may, please.) And then you would clearly see that American Sign Language is not the primary language of Deaf culture. Do you realize that some countries have their own sign language? Bet that you do. It is never thought that the primary language of Deaf culture would be American Sign Language. Everything in Deaf culture is pretty much associated with sign language. Not signing in American Sign Language doesn't mean you are rejecting Deaf culture. So go figure.
What gives Deafness a cultural identity? I'll give an easy hint. It is established as a culture when a deaf person conquers difficult obstacles in life without letting deafness let him down. Suppose a deaf person feels achieved, after overcoming deafness as a disability, he might say:
"I feel so great, and this somehow gives me a pride…but what is this I am proud of? My conquest over my disability? No, no, it must be more than that. I don't know. I'm not sure."
That is when the deaf person will recognize it as a pride in Deafness and give it a big capital letter "D" for culture. It becomes celebrated as Deaf culture through its own art, theatre, media and creative writing. This took me a long time to learn this while seeking an identity. I was greatly taken by a surprise when I learned this. Anyone who is "deaf" doesn't need to be labeled as culturally Deaf. It is up to them to decide.
If you want to give me corrections on this, please do.
What Is It Like to Be Deaf??
I sometime wondered about if people, who could hear fully ever imagine themselves in a deaf (or culturally Deaf) person’s shoe or not.
Maybe they have thought about it before, but not giving it a lot of thoughts in different way. For instance, to some people, deafness is often thought of as just a disability. For culturally Deaf people, Deafness is not really something that certain people who see negativity in just because they (deaf people) accept it as a culture that helps them establish deafness as their true identity. I must admit, that my ambivalence on Deaf pride still remains although I strongly admire the beauty of sign language and still do.
I can say that sign language is awesomee!
My personal experiences as a deaf person will be explained to show a real perspective in Deaf world. The evidence to that is I was born deaf and had a cochlear implant at the age of 15. Sign language is a huge importance in Deaf world.
First, my hearing was profoundly lost at birth and the cause of my deafness was believed to be from my mother’s illness. I don’t really know how deep my hearing loss is and I don’t really give a darn about it. I imagine that must suck for me. But it didn’t bother me a lot when I think about it because I have been deaf for all of my whole life. When I was a little child, my hearing aids did not help me much as I thought they would do for the other deaf children who use hearing aids. Like, hearing aids only help the other children who can hear a little. I couldn’t hear really well like they did.
By the age of 15 or so, I had a cochlear implant surgery during my freshman year of high school so I could hear anything good with my cochlear implant but not hear excellently as hearing people would normally do. Before ever getting a cochlear implant, I grew up not hearing a lot of things such as a telephone ringing, a water faucet running, water flushing from a toilet, etc. With my cochlear implant, anything can be only heard but on different level from what people can hear. Funny, I don’t know if it’s a good thing that I happen to hear the noise of my urine down in a toilet bowl all the time.
Then again, it is imagined that in hearing people’s view, not hearing anything every day is like having a sense of the world in cold, dead silence. Like, anything cannot be truly seen without hearing. I’ve been so used to being deaf for a long time, so that silence never bothered me. My meaning of silence is different to what people think. As a deaf person, silence is like people not doing anything. Motionless. When I first learned sign language as my “spoken” language, sign language now became like a visual noise to me. For example if I were taken to a party where there are no people that use sign language, I would be terribly bored because things in the party seem to be quiet for me because people don’t sign. In deaf people’s view, seeing none of the use of sign language anywhere is like….having a sense of the world in scary, breathless silence.
In brief, these things are the parts of my experiences from Deaf world that I am living in. I was born fully deaf and so I don’t hear. My ear was implanted with a hearing device so I can hear. Sign language is my only “spoken” language. My experiences should show the perspective of what it is like to be in a deaf person’s shoe. I don’t like to reveal much of my life but I do this to show that deaf people do not make victims out of themselves. They are capable of doing anything except hearing.
*Just to note: Sign language in the video is British and my language is not. :o)
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